Welcome!

my-face-at-erie
Presque Isle, Erie = my happy place

Hey you! I’m glad you’re here! I love your face! Even if I can’t see it, I still love your face. This is me and just how I roll. If you dig it, great! There is more to come, If you’re not digging it then there are plenty of other cool cats out there. Good vibes only here.

I’m a big fan of: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I’m also big on positivity. I have not always been this way, so it hasn’t come easy. But if I can do it, you can too! And there is no way I’m sliding back into the mud of negativity. There is a lot of yuck there, no thanks. The land of positivity is where good things can and do happen! Gosh darn it, it just feels good to think and feel optimistic! Try it out for yourself and see!

Some of you might be rolling your eyes and thinking – Well yeah it’s easy for you, your life doesn’t suck, you’ve got it altogether and all figured out (spoiler alert: NO ONE has it altogether or figured out!)

As cliche as this sounds, I wasn’t always this way. I used to be a big time negative nelly. I felt like I was literally born depressed. This is a feeling that stayed with me throughout my teenage years and most of my 20’s. My biological father wanted nothing to do with me, basically immediately after conception and I’ve never met him. I let this define me, and told myself that I was not good enough. It seems silly to me, now – not at the time, because as a tiny infant who in the world would think a baby is not good enough?

As I grew up I numbed the pain with daydreaming about a better life where I was loved, by men. Alcohol and a brief stint in cutting also were coping mechanisms. Classic daddy issues right? This topic brought me so much shame and pain there was a time that I could never have imagined that I would be blogging about this. Here I am, typing away.

My deepest yearning was to love, and to be loved in return. To find my soul mate if you will, and feel whole. There are some that would look down on this, but honestly finding my husband and the willingness to learn and change have been the best things to happen in my life. Oh yeah and the willingness to listen to my mom. She kinda does know her stuff. This is where my story gets better.

I just have to say, you don’t need outside validation to feel loved. You can give that to yourself, right now. Just go to the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself, that is a great start. I did not know that you could love yourself, just as freely as you would love another person (or cat, dog, plant, etc. -whatever you are into). I got it backwards. I found a man to love so that I could feel loved, and then I almost screwed it up. Why? BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. Sorry to shout. Actually, sorry not sorry. Self love is so underrated, so I will totally be shouting this.

Life gets better, if you let it. Since you are here, I think it has gotten a little better already. 🙂

With much self and unconditional love,

Sam aka Hippee Rebel

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